Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
