Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Enjoy the penises
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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