can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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