Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
