I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
