is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
