Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize