I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
