The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
