The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize