if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
