i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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