You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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