My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
