She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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