so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We smell like vodka and hangover
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