Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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