Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
