omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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