remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
