Sry I called you an 8
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
