i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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