Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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