And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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