CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
