Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
