...so i touched it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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