I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
