I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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