covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
