I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
