trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
