I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
