So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He uses pillows to masturbate.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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