I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize