why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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