she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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