I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
