You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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