Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
