How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you win again, gameday.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
