I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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