Jerry, you need to find god
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
