I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
