I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
