My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosι, bitch!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
