She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
