nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
