So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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