yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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