Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
