Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
