i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
