just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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