rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
