I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
