please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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