Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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